Dulcet

2012-01-09T11:11:00.000+08:00

http://saffronseeds.blogspot.com/

2011-11-13T09:50:00.001+08:00

To a certain degree, this relates to me.

Hello.

2011-11-09T20:36:00.003+08:00

A few days ago,

bro told me that if someone truly loved you,

it'd be so heart breaking and tedious for him/ her

that it'd be impossible for you guys

to remain friends after a break up.

At least not immediately after that,

maybe after a year or two.

I'm not sure how true that is.

But it definitely applied to me.

It hurt like mad to still be constantly in touch with you.

And it's still weird to see how normal and happy

you behave around me now that we're friends.

Maybe you've never loved me as much as I loved you.

That's a thought which always lingered in my head

throughout the one and a half years we've been together.

And even till today.

Even after we've parted ways.

It is something I'll never know.

Something I'll never have the courage to ask you.

Maybe even something you can't answer.

And therefore I shall stop asking.

Because it always leads me back to this

petrifying vicious cycle all over again.

And even if it's true.

So what.

I am never going back there again.

Never.

I know I've put this blog on a break.

Which is why I'm posting here tonight.

Hoping that no one,

or at least, lesser of you are reading this.

Because I would never have written such an

intimate, brutally honest post.

I miss you.
And I still love you.

But.

Goodbye you.

Goodbye our fond memories.

Goodbye, attachments.

Goodbye.

And.

Hello

:')

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Things to do tomorrow:

2011-11-01T22:59:00.004+08:00

Things to do tomorrow:

1. Get up

2. Survive

3. Go back to bed

最纯粹的孤独最孤独的孤独

2011-11-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

感情很容易毁了一个人

断了的缘分

我学会下次更狠

你留下来的垃圾

我会丢弃

费心你就不必

你还是要幸福

你千万不要再招惹别人哭

所有错误从我这里落幕

我们一起只有铭心刻骨

你还是要幸福

我才能确定我还得很清楚

确定自己再也不会占据你的篇幅

现在开始这一切都结束

你如果很幸福

半夜的简讯你就无需回复

因为你的悲喜已经有了容身之处

我也能有

最纯粹的孤独最孤独的孤独

2011-11-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You can say sorry a million times.

Say I'm special as much as you want.

But if you don't show it,

then don't say anything at all.

Because your words don't mean a F.

3D Creative Eyebrow Embroidery

2011-11-01T00:02:00.000+08:00

Got my brows done at Ooh Carol, Far East Plaza Level 5.

It's a small, old little shop, owned by 2 Chinese ladies.

It's called 3D creative eyebrow embroidery.

There's tons of info on the web, check it out.

I've read many reviews before deciding to do this.

All of them told of the experience as almost, if not completely painless.

But still, it was slightly painful for me at first.

Once the numbing cream set in,

you could only feel plucking sensation,

but no pain.
The whole process took abt 45 mins.
I was given 1 complimentary touch up session to be redeemed within the next month :)

My brows were very red and thick on the first 2 - 3 days.
They subsequently faded over time.
I was told that it takes 1 week for the redness to subside completely
and the full effect to set in.
Pictures are taken on the 4th day.

Righty mighty!
Gotta head to bed before another presentation later.
Tough life.

Check out my nude-colored nails yo!

[If you've got friends/ family members getting married,
do spread the word for my band/ pianist and I!
All genres in both languages available.
Email me for quotes and portfolio!]

Sabotage.

2011-10-31T01:15:00.005+08:00

Just got home from an awesome

wedding gig at Grand Copthorne!

Beautiful ballroom and great company :)

Before the night sky took over, the groom,

secretly practising his sweet little surprise song

for the bride.

My seat for the night, next to Leon.

Hehe, best part of wedding gigs has got to be the fooood.

This must have been the biggest table I've ever seen.

It seats 20 people.

And has the purpose of sitting families of both

the bride and groom together.

The toast.

Yep, that's all.

Sorry guys, no pictures of myself.

Hopefully the photographer has taken some :)

Everything's been good,

except for the fact that my phone

went missing last night at an event.

It was a sabotage by a group of girls

(I accidentally elbowed one of them.)

And they made a huge fuss out of it.

Sigh, why do I always do dumb things.
But I swear that elbow was such a light one.

Hmm.. So as you know. I'm phoneless right now.

Well, I guess the only consolation's

that its just an old NS kinda phone.

Still considering if I should get iPhone 4s..

2011-10-30T13:29:00.001+08:00

To me, you'll always be someone selfish.

2011-10-29T14:56:00.000+08:00

To me, you will always be someone selfish.

Someone who sees only the noble goals/ beliefs you have.

Someone who can give up anything and anyone who gets in your way,

even the people who love you.

That's the truth.

To me, you'll always be someone selfish.

2011-10-26T20:50:00.000+08:00

会有那么一天

当我对你的存在毫无感觉时

那会是最好的感觉

2011-10-16T21:08:00.001+08:00

Am seriously loving my job.

Working there is almost like working in multiple industries at the same time -

F&B, Fashion, Media and Creative Arts all in one.

Not to mention the awesome food tasting trips

with Dom at Resorts World Sentosa.

I love my job!

Side note: I'm excited to be involved in a Blood Drive organised by SMU!
More details soon!

哈。爱情，不过如此。

2011-10-16T12:22:00.003+08:00

还是难以置信，

我们的感情竟可以被你像闹钟一样，

按下按钮，就停止，然后苏醒，继续照常生活。

当你已经苏醒在床上，

准备努力为生命奋斗，

为自己打拼。

我却还梦境里，

昏沉沉的打绕着。

人生有好多关卡要过。

唯有情关，对我而言，最难过。

好一阵子，

我看不见去路，

梦境里全被恐惧覆盖了。

牵着的手忽然消失。

我好难过。

我好害怕。

哈。爱情，不过如此。

最困难的已经过去了吧。

应该是吧。

好友说，

There's so much more to life.

这阵子真的过得好充实。

每天都在做自己喜爱的事。

遗憾。

每能和你分享我生活的点点滴滴。

至少以后，我会更警惕。

祝你快乐。

Sharing a piece of me.

2011-10-12T10:15:00.000+08:00

Received an email from my Prof last afternoon.

It contained her comments for an assignment and presentation I gave two days ago.

They were for a module called Aesthetic and Creative Use of 2D Media.

I remember having to smuggle this assignment to do at work.

Was pretty crazy having to juggle the internship and schoolwork.

I didn't even have time to rehearse my presentation.

No scripts, no powerpoint slides.

I just put on a brave front and did it impromptu.

Anyway.. my main point is...

that I'm just bragging la hahahaha aiyo so annoying right.

Loving the last line hahahah.

But well, at least this made me smile for awhile.

Hmm, I guess I was just trying to put across this -

You may be at a low point of your life,

but never let it paralyse the other aspects of your life.

You see, life's a bitch.

One moment you feel like you're the

happiest girl on the face of this puzzling globe,

the next moment, you find yourself being thrown mercilessly back down

the deck of deep bottomless shit holes.

(Pardon my language)

Screwing your entire life up for one single setback just isn't worth it.

My heart may have been crippled by the dozen rejections.
But that doesn't stop me from striving for
my other goals in life.

Drowning yourself in vices is
just an excuse to indulge in your own sadness.

It's not worth it.

Yep, so stay strong you guys out there who're
going through a not-so-good phase now.

Thanks again, to all those who've texted/ called to ask if I'm ok.
With you guys around, I know that,
things are only gonna get better from now.

I believe that we all need time off

at some point of our lives

to sort out our inner thoughts.

To clear away those distractions we've been mindlessly allowing to get to us.

And listen, truly, to the inner peace within us.

I have not reached there yet.
But I will.

Till then.

2011-10-09T21:50:00.003+08:00

我。

被撕烂了。

永远。

不想再听到。

那四个字。

Stay hungry, stay foolish

2011-10-09T14:16:00.005+08:00

I remember when I was younger,

I'd be so overjoyed whenever my mum told me she had to visit her hometown in Malaysia.

Because that meant no supervision for days.

No more curfew. No one to report to.

In other words, freedom.

But a few days ago,

when Mum told me over breakfast that she'll be visiting visit our grandma's place again.

I surprisingly felt a little sad..

My heart went like, "Whutt.. No home cooked food for a week?

Returning home to an empty house? (since my bro and dad aren't usually home early as well)

Argh.. I actually thought I'd miss her.

I guess this only happened because I started working.

Rushing from NTU to work for 2 evenings.

And then working another 2 full days.
Coupled with school, friends and rehearsals, I'm barely at home :(

And I kinda miss being able to nua on my floor couch for hours a day,

just surfing the net, watching Dexter or reading books.

And I kinda miss mum randomly knocking on my door asking me to

go out and try the agar agar or goreng pisang she just made.

Work's been a ball of fun though.

Well, as per every corporate organisation, conflicts and friction do occur.

But there are so many other things that make working there such an incredible experience.

I love the people there. I love hanging around the coffee counter,

sipping espresso shots and exchanging conversations with everyone.

The interns

There are 3 other interns (all girls) -

a budding fashion designer, a talented popping dancer,

the other an econs grad who's spent 6 months in South Africa.

The girls are a load of fun to be with.

I love our TGIF nights (though I'm the only one still working on Saturday -,-)

We share our woes and all the "sai kang" together,

and I guess that's when friendships build the fastest.

The tailor

A little chat with the bespoke tailor last afternoon revealed lots of life lessons to me.

He is an unpretentious man, never afraid of speaking his mind.

Someone with less than mediocre academic results -

an O level cert with only 2 passed subjects - English and Art.

Yet he's made such remarkable achievements in life with his creativity and passion.

Probably one of the highest earning tailors around,

he even got invited to meet MM Lee in person recently.

He also told of the story of how he finally got together with the love of his life after 7 years.

Rather consoling.

His advice: Travel when you're young.

Visit other countries, and look at everything.

The buses, the buildings, the trees. Even the smallest brick.

Look. And you'll find something.

The barrister

He doodles all the time, on the sketch book, the serviettes,

random pieces of paper, and even our hands.

One day, the cafe owner gave him a huge opportunity.

He was asked to transform his doodlings onto the tables, cabinets and serviettes.

The space could actually be designed by him.

This place is full of miracles.

They did not happen by chance.

It is as if the immense passion of these individuals

interacted with their surroundings,

at the right place, the right time, with the right people (天时地利人和）,

and gave rise to these miracles.

I end off today, with a story Steve Jobs told.

"And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition

turned out to be priceless later on.

Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

... ... Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

He then ended off with a quote from The Whole Earth Catalog by Stewart Brand,
"Stay hungry, stay foolish"

2011-10-07T10:24:00.001+08:00

创作人，一辈子只爱一个女生。

一辈子，创作了上千首歌。

只为一个女生。

我爱音乐，

因为音乐诉说了我的故事。

好几次，希望你能到场聆听我的故事。

每一次，你也缺席了。

站在台上，望着眼前好多好多观众，

我却觉得，我是孤单的。

怎么办。

我的感情，似乎没有转淡。

反而像摆放许久的红酒，

越来越浓郁。

我没有信心，明年今天我会更好。

你太猖狂

2011-10-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

能约出来的人都约光

能吃得下的早餐已吃光

很用力谈笑比哭还绝望

怎么挨得到打烊

我以为痛苦可以分散

于是我忙到不能再忙

忙到忘记了洗掉你所有短讯

一字一巴打在我脸上

思念太猖狂一个冷不防

一想起你忙碌的生活变得空荡荡

对心事说谎把你想到多么的不堪

伟大的你还想我怎样

我以为工作能够疗伤

甚至恨不得病倒再算

没力气遐想谁知瘫痪在床上

越发渴望你就在身旁

你也太猖狂一个冷不防

睡到一半才觉醒疗伤先要哭一场

对世界说谎只把自己哄骗得更惨

想得到释放只有投降

理智

2011-10-04T23:21:00.002+08:00

为你傻了上千次的我，

第一千零一次，

怎么。

还是做不出理智的选择。

2011-10-03T11:14:00.001+08:00

Can't believe one week of term break just flew past like that.

I've been nothing but busy.

Though these late nights and early mornings gets kinda tiring,

this is one of my most well spent term breaks since school started.

At work that day,
I learnt from the barristers how to make espresso shots.

Also got to watch how the chef made this bacon and egg thing which was simple yet delicious.
I'm seriously gonna be an awesome chef at Sweden.

Thank you also to those who took time off to watch Azure's performance.
It was a special night :)

But also a terribly stressful episode.
I had to go to work, then to school,
then back home to pack my performance stuff and do some vocal warmups.
Then to Bugis for the sound check.
It was crazy.

Thank god Clement was so nice that he dropped by my workplace
and sent me home, then waited at pioneer to send me to school,
and from school to midway of Bugis.

I'm really blessed with awesome kind friends.

I'll learn to smile my days away.

2011-09-28T23:31:00.002+08:00

I am so tired that I don't think I can be anymore tired than this.

When will this end? :(

UFM100.3 with Azure Band and Ken

2011-09-26T00:00:00.004+08:00

Been very off form lately.

Practice with Teresa at Funkie Monkies was horrendous! (on my part only)

Qiyu laoshi's guitar skills were superb.

Teresa's voice was melting.

But I sounded.. totally bad.

Lao shi was hilarious though.

I've never known this side of him.

In actual fact, we've never really had the chance to

interact so much during campus times.

His jokes, vivid imitations of Noose characters are plain hilarious.

I feel so grateful that he hasn't forgotten me :)

Thank you laoshi!!

Hehe. Side note: Awesome day out with the girls.

Catch Azure Band and I on UFM 100.3 tomorrow

MONDAY 8.30PM with DJ Ken!

Excited!!!

Note: Tomorrow's appearance on UFM100.3
is for promotion purposes for Azure Band's concert on 30 Sept.

Collaboration with Qiyu Laoshi and Teresa
will be on YES93.3 at a later date
which I will announce later to avoid confusion.

I'm giving away 2 tickets for Azure Band's concert.
Details are here.
Interested parties do drop me an email at
jyap1@e.ntu.edu.sg

First come first serve.

And lastly...
A rare glimpse of my photoboothing.

Just sharing my hair length now la.

Hehe. Feeling quite shy.

Byebye!

To Warl:

2011-09-24T15:18:00.002+08:00

Thank you, for being you :)

It's incredible, how you always manage to find me.

Two years ago you were here. This time round, you are here again.

Feeling the sea breeze against our half smiles,

the sand under our feet.

The sound of small waves whispering inaudible secrets.

For once, I thought I could really walk out of this.

Thank you.

If angels existed, you'd be one.

耳背

2011-09-21T02:30:00.000+08:00

还是假装不知道好。

也许。

耳背，就不会被你炽热的呼吸声，

烫到被印上红红红红的烙印。

My workspace.

2011-09-17T21:38:00.000+08:00

Been busy head over heels in my new intern job at an incredible place:

It is an art gallery/ event space and

retail space for bespoke tailoring and shoemaking.

This afternoon was vintage spectacles afternoon.

The collection is incredibly awesome!

This is Edwin Neo, the only bespoke shoemaker in Singapore.

He designs and produces handmade shoes fully customised to the slightest details.

Edwin's space

Love this pair!

Bespoke tailoring space by Kevin.

Kevin Seah bespoke pants

And lastly, a beautiful picture of my job space for the months ahead.

This experience has been wonderful so far.

Coming from a middle class family,

it was eye opening interacting and experiencing first hand,

the lives of elites/ socialites in Singapore.

That I would be good.

2011-09-15T23:18:00.000+08:00

;)

That I would be good even if I did nothing

That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down

That I would be good if I got and stayed sick

That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be good fine even if I went bankrupt

That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth

That I would be great i if was no longer queen

That I would be grand if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved even when I numb myself

That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved even when I was fuming

That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity

That I would be good

Whether with or without you

我愿意 Cover by Wednesday band

2011-09-10T12:12:00.001+08:00

我愿意

A song my band and I covered last Wednesday.
Recorded on a Iphone.

A couple had given us an urgent request to

send them a recording of one english and one chinese song

as they were interested in hiring us at their wedding.

We would usually mic up all instruments and record with professional software on a laptop.

The set up itself takes 30-45 mins!

But since the request was so sudden,

this recording was done on an iphone instead :(

The iphone usually catches lots of mid tones and picks up

lots of the electric guitar, keyboard and drums,

making them clash heavily with the vocals.

So the rest of the instruments had to play reeeaally

softly for the vocals to stand out.

If you were in our jamming room,

you'd see how the guys are so gently hitting their instruments

and how it actually sounded very unbalanced LIVE,

with the vocals sticking out like a sore thumb.

We NG-ed so many times because they looked so funny!

But this created a pretty balanced tone on the iphone.

This definitely isn't our best!

We would have sounded much better with proper

recording devices and more preparation.

(We only ran through the song a few times before recording!)

The arrangement was also a tad too draggy.

I looove the guitar solo though!

Just thought I'd share it here since you guys haven't heard me in awhile.

So you lucky readers.

Haha I hope you haven't been too disappointed cause of the low quality.

Let me know how you feel!

Oh yes, we got hired! :)

2011-09-07T11:06:00.001+08:00

But looking at this guy who has moved on so well

only after 2 weeks of our breakup.

Someone who'd readily leave me behind.

Someone who disses my crying and

gets annoyed by it.

Of course, there were lovely parts about him too.

And I sometimes feel that I've lost more than I gained :x

Happier

2011-09-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

Thank you dearest readers for the comments you left behind.

I've replied every single comment.

Sorry that you guys have to go through the comments moderation process

and wait for my approval to publish them :(

This is to prevent tactless comments left by spammers.

Hopefully this negative behavior will stop soon

and I can stop regulating the comments section.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Today I received an unexpected text from Qiyu laoshi.

He has invited me to do a one hour radio Live show for YES 93.3.

Together with laoshi,

Teresa Tseng and I will have a fun filled night

of singing and chatting with DJ Ivy.

Feels awesome to be working with laoshi and Teresa again.

Haha, it's really incredible how these opportunities

start coming to me just as I reach a low point in my life (referring to my breakup).

It makes me realise that I really have nothing worth mourning about.

I know very well that I am emotionally weak

when it comes to handling relationship issues.

I have trouble letting go.

(When I was 12, my first hamster died.

I locked myself in a room and cried an entire day away,

refusing to eat or see anyone else.)

So. Really? I ask myself time again.

Why would I cry over someone like that?

Haha I guess guys get sick of girls like me easily.

At the end of the day, I think I'm just a typical girl

who asks of typical things from my other half.

Typical things that guys find typically annoying.

I guess the following summarises very much my sentiments.

Boy: I broke up with her.

His Best Friend: What happened?

Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy: Well, she..

His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. That's what happened.

Haha, ok this sounds kinda kiddy, like it's taken from some cranky

"101 Relationship Tips for Teenagers" book.

I actually stumbled upon it from a friend's Fb.

But I feel it really speaks my mind!

Perhaps I haven't matured very much on the romantic side of life.

After all, I've only been in 2 serious relationships my whole life.

But then again, this is just me and

someone else might just appreciate and love this

aspect of my character :)

Haha gosh, can't believe my thoughts led me to this topic today.

I'll end here before I reveal too much of my personal life.

Anyway, here's wishing my Mummy a very Happy Birthday!

I was going to upload a super cute picture of her.

But blogger as usual is taking way too long :(

I lost somethings. But I gained many others.

2011-09-02T14:02:00.003+08:00

Mad busy but awesome awesome week ahead!

Open Jam with freshies, Mummy's birthday dinner, a VERY important interview,
managing clients on our new project, mad rushes from sch to tuition then back to sch,
tea session, meeting with big bosses and yet another wedding gig!
Not to mention all my unfinished readings!

Thankful for so so many valuable opportunities happening right now.
I've missed out so much in the past.
Now's the time to get right back on track.
Now.

Just sent in my cv for an intern position at an excellent company.

Really hope to be part of the team and learn as much as I can.

Pray for me!

Sweden

2011-09-01T22:00:00.001+08:00

Yep, as the picture suggests.

I am going to Sweden next January.

Not a for week or two.

Not a month or two.

But for 4 to 6 months!

I've very very fortunately been selected for

the exchange programme I mentioned in one of my previous post.

I'll be spending one semester studying at

Jonkoping University of the Arts and Communication.

My plan is to travel and study when I'm at Sweden,

then roam Europe for another month or two after my semester ends.

I believe it's gonna be one hell of an experience!

Traveling alone, communicating in sign languages

for simple needs, getting con, losing my way, seeing wonderful things,

writing journals, taking pictures, meeting people.

I can't believe I'm given such an incredible opportunity.

Thank you Daddy for supporting me financially and emotionally.

Without you, this trip will not even be thinkable.

On a downside, I'll be spending my 21st there!

Without my parents and friends! :(

Can't wait to polish my photography skills under the beauty of Sweden.

DSLR pls drop from the sky!! Hahaha!

Gosh, my thoughts are all over the place!

Anyway, I met up with Keng for lunch today and as always,

it was a fruitful one.

Thanks for helping me see things from another perspective.

Thank you wise friend <3

And also for the pair of lovebirds and postcard.

This post is going to be longer than usual.

I've mentioned previously that I have exciting news to share.

So here's another piece.

I've been invited by the Azure Band to be a special guest at their concert.

The Azure Band, or 天蓝乐团,

is a Singaporean Chinese Pop/ Rock band.

Their annual concert will be held on 30th Sept 2011, 8:00pm

Se7en @ Iluma, Bugis (7th floor)

$16 with 1 drink ( non-alcoholic/alcoholic)

More details can be found here.

Expect songs from a broad range of genres from me!

We will also be going on air on 100.3FM to promote the show.

More details will be announced soon.

Till then, take care yall!

往前飛

2011-08-31T22:15:00.012+08:00

PS/ 不是在"victimise"自己，更没有想要博取任何人同情。
说过了，纯粹只想用文字抒发情感。
各位操心了。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

希望有一天，你能够从另一个角度去观看我的想法。

但愿有一天，痴情对你来说不再是无谓，愚昧，浪费和荒唐。

而是可贵的象征。

因为我的痴情，我们把手松开了。

可是一年后，五年后，或是十年后。

也许会有另一个人，因为我的痴情，把手握得更紧更紧。

之前提过不会为这次的经验哀诉哭泣。

我说谎了。

两个星期了，以为自己好多了。
可是今天又突然觉得一点进展也没有。

有好消息，还是有很强的冲动想要第一个告诉你。

坐在你身旁，还是好想好想靠在那曾经温热的肩膀。

八月三十一日。

我对自己许下了承诺。

不要為過去降落

要為未來往前飛

2011-08-30T21:26:00.002+08:00

More details very soon!

2011-08-27T03:55:00.001+08:00

不能明知故犯！
绝对不能停歇在生命的这一环。

勇往直前，嘉敏！

Catharsis.

2011-08-26T16:32:00.004+08:00

Haha, alright,
I should really stop being an emogirl91
(nickname given by a wise friend -,-'')

I know my posts do get rather depressing sometimes,

but perhaps they've exaggerated my actual level of sadness.
I usually feel much better after I write.

I've been moving on pretty well,

it's just that sometimes when these flashbacks "attack" me randomly,

I feel too much of my urges and emotions repressed inside me that

I need to express them overtly.

Crying sure doesn't help.

Shouting does, but the negativity comes back again shortly.

Fasting? NO WAY. Can't do without food.

Bingeing.. Nah, not at the expense of my weight?!

Splurging.. Yes! But only provides temporary relief.

Over time, I've found an excellent way to release my dark side.

After my first ever break up in life,

I began writing little notes/ journal pages to myself and kept them in a little brown box.

One thing I realised after I wrote, was that I felt so much better.

Hence, words have become my form of catharsis.

Red alert. New vocab I picked up in school.

[Catharsis - ... Process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from strong or repressed emotions.]

Yes that was the geek me speaking.

Anyway.. So yep, words have allowed me,

for the longest time, to dissolve my sadness overtly in a harmless way.

Sometimes I write creatively. Sometimes they're accompanied with pictures.

Other times, they're just random rants.

Anyhow, I don't know what's the main point of this post haha.

I've got excellent excellent news of myself to share though.

Stay tuned k!

Cry, silly, cry.

2011-08-25T23:19:00.006+08:00

(AndrePais)

Cry, silly, cry.

For that man who doesn't remember your past.

For that man who knows that nothing lasts.

For that man who let go of your trembling hands.
For that man who thought they've tried their best.

Cry, silly cry.

For that man who leaves you no time of his.

For that man who places you last on his list.

For that man who left you for his friends, books and goals.

For that man you wish you hadn't known.

Cry silly, cry.

A tale of romance.

2011-08-21T13:55:00.002+08:00

I spent the whole of last afternoon reading about Charles Darwin.

Haha, yes call me a bookworm.

If you don’t already know who he is, he’s the father of the Evolution Theory.

In other words, also the man who suggested that we human beings descended from the apes.

Ok, but that’s besides my point today.

Something rather interesting I came across while reading, was that he,

having come up with this theory after voyaging through South America for 5 long years,

decided to delay his publication of On the Origin of Species for another twenty years.

TWENTY LOOONG years.

Why?

Darwin was a man who disliked heated controversy.
His theory was surely going to set off a firestorm of controversy, especially with religious leaders.

So that was one of the reasons he gave for delaying the publication.

The other reason, guess what/ who, was his wife.

According to the Book of Genesis,

the earth was created in six days, and humans were created on the seventh day.

Evolutionary theory however suggested that

humans had evolved gradually from some other lifeforms.

Darwin’s wife, Emma, was deeply religious,

and his reluctance to hurt her feelings was another reason

for his delay in publishing On the Origin of Species.

Shortly before they were married,

she wrote to him about her fears for his salvation.

Across the bottom of this letter,

Darwin wrote:

“When I am dead, know that many times I have kissed & cryed over this.”

2011-08-21T11:54:00.001+08:00

我想到冰天雪地的地方旅游。

让冷冷冷冷的雪冻死我的心。

感觉应该不错吧。

至少比现在的我好吧。

傻傻的我。

又笨又傻的我。

终究我也只是你众多义务中可有可无的选项。

怎么办。

我讨厌这样的星期六。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

希望井

2011-08-20T14:01:00.006+08:00

掉落深井，我大聲呼喊，等待救援... ...

天黑了，黯然低头，才發現水面满是闪爍的星光。

我總在最深的絕望里，遇見最美麗的驚喜。

－幾米

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

感恩。

身边居出现了那么多守护天使。

时间。

你绕了我吧。

Spiders.

2011-08-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

You are the spider and I am your willing prey.

Hopelessly abducted by the brilliance of your poison.

My soul awaits the fate of being devoured.

Yet I yearn for your return.

Yet I cling onto your web.

I am everything to me.

But you will turn me into nothing.

Again.

Good day, everyday.

2011-08-16T20:02:00.006+08:00

I love school days like today! Totally awesome.

I love friends who just somehow know that I'll be late for a 9am class

and text me one hour before that to let me know they've saved a seat for me.

Super sweet! Haha.

But on a serious note I should rly spend less time getting ready for school

especially for 9am lessons which I have 3 out of my 4-day week.

FOUR-DAY WEEK, you heard that?!! How more awesome can that be.

Hahaha ok this is one of the very few days that I'm blogging on such a high note.

Pardon those exclamations marks and keep your rolled eyeballs away.

Met the whole group of GIP dudes for lunch after school today.

We had so much Canadian pizza and talked so much that I almost forgot to go home.

After pizza I headed over to the International Relations Office in school with cz

to check out the exchange reports and pamphlets.
Met his male friend who has eyes that look naturally eye-lined!
I was still whispering to cz why he has such a bold male friend who
wears eye liner to school... Only to find out later his lashes are just naturally thick.
Quite embarrassing.

Anyway, reading those reports from students who've studied at Sweden/UK/Aussie

and wherever over the globe just made me feel so excited.

Application closes tomorrow and I really really need lots and lots

of luck so please say a little prayer for me!!!

I don't carry much hope about getting into exchange because

my GPA is on a low side as compared to the rest who're applying :(

Which leads me to kinda regret from time to time that

I should have been less distracted over the useless stuff last sem.

I did pretty awesome in the first sem, but sem 2 totally screwed everything up.

Sigh, but it's already over and I've learnt an important lesson.

Somehow I've been extremely motivated this sem.

No skipping of classes, staying fully focused in lectures, keeping up with my readings.

These are the 3 things I disallowed myself from committing.

In fact, there wasn't even a need to disallow myself.

I just really wanted to go to school and utilise my time there to the fullest.

I am such a blessed child.

Through my life I've met so many 贵人 that upon reflecting,

I sometimes don't think I even deserve to have them.

On a side note, listening to Priscilla Ahn in the morning just brightens my day.
Look up the lyrics they're so romantic.

Okay, signing off now,

with lots of gratitude to those who made me smile today. :)

Racing heart and sleepless nights.

2011-08-15T00:18:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. I've been having sleepless nights so frequently over the past few months.

Sleep has never been to problem to me until lately. Why so? :(

I feel so physically tired but my heart just starts racing once lay on my bed.

Tried everything I could to calm myself down but nothing seems to help.

Sounds like I'm becoming an owl in no time.

Chapter, closed.

2011-08-13T10:41:00.005+08:00

Those who've been following my Facebook statuses

may have guessed that something wasn't right.

To cut it short.

I am single again.

Our relationship has been nothing but turbulent.

In sum, we're just two lovers with too different views about too many things in life at the moment. Missed anniversaries, missed birthdays that were never made up for.

Dates and outings that were planned but never ever realised.

Unhappiness over the same, old fundamental view differences over and over, and over again.

All these, only translated into a silent torturous final date with cold stares and long awkward pauses.

At the end of the day, I'm desensitised.

Though I was reluctant at the start, this definitely is the best option now.

If I relive this experience again,
I might have even suggested it at a much earlier stage of the relationship.

I don't know what lies beyond this stage of my life.

But what's for sure is that there will be no whining or crying during what many people call,

this "mourning" stage of the break up.

I've also received very exciting news that I will share over my next few blog posts.

Of course I will miss those sweet old times of ours. But I am not sad that they're over.

Because I want you to remember that,
you've once made me feel like the luckiest girl on Universe .

And it was the most incredible feeling one could ever have.

So here's to us.

All the best to you, Javin boy.

2011-08-12T23:19:00.002+08:00

你是谁啊？

The sky is the limit.

2011-08-12T08:24:00.001+08:00

No more distractions. Just me, myself, and my goals.
:)

If you're here. I drew this for you.

2011-08-08T22:53:00.001+08:00

"And if love moves like air,

then teach me how to dig my nails into the palm of my hand

so I can remember what you once felt like."

Household tips.

2011-08-07T11:13:00.002+08:00

Reopening an Envelope

If you seal an envelope and then realise that you forgot to include something inside,

just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two.

It unseals easily.

Hair Conditioner

Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs.

It’s a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth.

It’s also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought

but didn’t like when you tried it in your hair.

Getting rid of ants

Put small piles of corn meal where you see ants.

They eat it, take it back to their nest and can’t digest it so it kills them.

It may take a week or so esp. when it rains,

but it works & you don’t have the worry about pets or children being harmed!

(You can locate them in Fairprice/ Cold Storage.)

Bring baby powder to the beach

Keep a small bottle of baby powder in your beach bag. When you’re

ready to leave the beach sprinkle yourself and kids with the powder

and the sand will slide right off your skin.

Lastly...

A small fence that separates the densely populated Tijuana, Mexico (right),

from the United States in the Border Patrol’s San Diego Sector.

Construction is underway to extend a secondary fence

over the top of this hill and eventually to the Pacific Ocean.

Good day yall!

A random photo post.

2011-08-02T12:55:00.006+08:00

I took part in a singing competition recently. It is organised by Cacophony.Sg.

For publicity and voting purposes, I've recorded a short video of myself doing

a short introduction and singing a snippet from Olivia Ong's You and Me.

The number of likes of this video constitutes to judging criteria.

1. Like Cacophony.Sg here:

http://www.facebook.com/Cacophony.SG

2. Then, view my video here:

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150724130295623

3. "Like" it if you like it!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

New born rabbits at my cousin's place in Msia!

Home made pasta with siblings!

Ewf with AC girls!

NDP preview with Javin. Thank you Dx for the tix with awesome view!

Steamy xiao long baos and dancing pratas. Cute.

Awesome night view + fireworks! I love Singapore!

Thai Express dinner/supper. They have very awesome Tom Yum Hor fun! My fav since JC times!

Gathering with friends from India trip :D

BBQ with 4H

Mavis's 21st!

Photo collage that shawn made!

And lastly, that's Koko the sweetest dog ever!

Bye and good day yall! Rmb to view my video!

Rubber ducks.

2011-07-27T13:34:00.001+08:00

I miss my childhood. Those days I visited my grandma's house in Western Malaysia. A kampong. A 2-storey house built with bare hands. A place where I played with the simplest toys. A place everyone called home.

Fishing along the drains just outside the house. Scooping the muddy water with a fish net, then lifting it up eagerly to check for fish. Exploring an abandoned army camp further down the road. Climbing hills and returning home with soiled shirt. Playing with homemade fireworks and getting cut. Drinking an ice cold packet of Sprite with salt and drawing such heavenly sensation from it. Desperately saving the chickens and the ducks from a huge komodo dragon. Collecting freshly laid eggs from the hens that my grandma reared... I recall the warmness of those eggs even till now.

I was so innocent then. I was so, truly happy. Not a single bit driven by material possessions, not bothered about how I look. Childhood had me live in a bubble. A beautiful one. One which reflected a myriad of the most alluring colors and made me look at the world with rose colored glasses.

"An enchanted place where colors are brighter,

the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again

- childhood."

The universe is the teacher.

2011-07-27T02:04:00.002+08:00

Why have I not learnt?

2011-07-18T10:26:00.001+08:00

If God is fair, everyone would have looked the same.

Do you know?

2011-07-12T22:51:00.001+08:00

"Don't say you have no time. Make time."

I used to say this a year ago. And today, I'd still say the same thing. Seems like things haven't changed much. Just that this time round, this phrase doesn't even seem to work. There's not even time that can be made.

This insistence, it's turning into a dreadful feeling. It's a gloomy current swirling and accruing like a relentless cyclone. It's as if I have done something wrong just because I would like to spend more time. I don't feel good at all. This problem, it will not go away. Because this is what you are. Whether it's this week, or the next, or the next, it will be the same.

Why haven't I gotten used to this? What am I still hoping for? Things to change and the dark clouds to drift away for those imaginary sun rays to shine through? My wishful thinking.

I've become so irrational and emotional over the past year. Always doing things out of my ordinary self, going the extra mile, mixing up my priorities. Crying like mad in the dark of the school LT during video screenings, then so afraid to create a fuss around my course mates that I ran into the toilet to hide. Only to realise that you've already gone to bed on the other side of the globe.

Do you know?

Perhaps it's true that I'm just greedy. But I really don't think that it's never enough for me. The glass is either half filled or half empty. My weakness lies in that I'm always looking at the latter. I'm a gloomy person by nature. Time for a change perhaps.

Look on the bright side. You'd be so much happier.

爱上你的时候

2011-07-09T18:21:00.001+08:00

爱上你的时候

世界瞬间也变得宽阔

飞翔在天际缤纷的彩虹

紧紧包围着我

心底的空白等你填满

为你我信仰等待

等待某一天你会回来

再肯定我的存在很勇敢

爱上你的时候

天空也显得万里晴空

海风吹过带来了暖冬

花也变得温柔

爱上你的时候

我学会向前走不回头

将悲伤的过去留在风中

当做成长有的痛

那以往的美好深藏在心中

拾起一段故事

属于你我

你不在

2011-06-30T10:23:00.005+08:00

I love how some songs just speak to me. I love how they describe so aptly the way I feel or once felt at a certain point of time. Then all these memories just begin flooding back. But it's a good feeling, it's like reliving a past experience. And I'm just glad that phase is over.

当世界只剩下这床头灯
你那边是早晨已经出门
我侧身感到你在转身

你不在  当我最需要爱你却不在
无尽等待像独白般难挨
你不在  高兴还是悲哀你都不在
我受了伤在偷偷好起来
但你不在不在
我的话筒只有自己的体温
怎样认真也不一定成真
你说的对我不得不承认
你不在  当我最需要爱你却不在
无尽等待像独白般难挨
你不在  高兴还是悲哀你都不在
我受了伤在偷偷好起来
但你不在
那些摇摆我都明白
但你不在爱已不在
你不在当我最需要爱你却不在
一个人分饰两角的恋爱
你不在高兴还是悲哀你都不在
像空气般不存在的存在
再没有痕迹的爱你不在
当我需要你的爱你不在

To sing every song like it's my last.

2011-06-29T12:54:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I've truly been in touch with singing. Lately, my voice has become more like a tool, an equipment for generating income. But not so much a passion. I feel like I've stagnated far too long in this aspect. I need to do surpass this bottleneck.

I want to feel the drive again. The passion that's kept me going in the past two years has gradually desensitised after the numerous performances I've been through. Yes, I do still love the stage. I love spreading my voice and looking at the joy I give to people. But I no longer feel that drive in me, the kind of intense emotion I used to always experience whichever song I sing as long as I'm commanding the stage. Now it's gone.

I want to sing every song like it's my last.

But how?

Melody.

2011-06-26T21:45:00.000+08:00

You are like the melody that keeps playing in the background. It's not a conscious thought. It's just always there. And it was a sad tune.

But you turned it off.

I must be dreaming.

2011-06-23T22:46:00.001+08:00

Guess not.

Forrest Gump - A movie worth watching.

2011-06-21T23:02:00.002+08:00

Forrest Gump - a pretty awesome movie, except that it felt a little draggy. Forrest Gump went to war as part of the American army in Vietnam. Jenny is kinda like his long lost lover. Here's one of my favorite scene.

Jenny: Hey, Forrest, were you scared in Vietnam?

Forrest: Yes. Well, I, I don't know. Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out. And then it was nice. It was like just before the sun goes to bed down on the bay... There was over a million sparkles on the water. Like that mountain lake. It was so clear, Jenny. It looks like there were two skies, one on top of the other. And then in the desert, when the sun comes up... I couldn't tell where heavens stopped and the earth began. It was so beautiful.

Jenny: I wish I could have been there with you.

Forrest: You were.

Maybe.

2011-06-21T22:46:00.000+08:00

Just maybe.. I can live like this ;)

Living the life.

2011-06-20T19:13:00.001+08:00

Had brunch with Aijia today and it was really awesome. I love how I can tell her everything and just know that she'll keep my private issues to herself. Hehe, on a side note, I'm finally getting a haircut this Friday. Really can't wait for it because I have not had a proper hair cut for one year. Yes, ONE. YEAR. I haven't yet decided on a particular style but I guess I'll just leave the decision to my hair stylist since I've never had any experience with long hair before. Yep! Here comes another fun fact about me, the last time I had long hair was in kindergarten! Hehe, amazing huh!

I can't wait to live the life again! Can't wait to meet up with everyone and finally, get a vacation job/ internship on my last remaining month of this Semester break. By the way, this is a new blog skin! I was bored yesterday so I figured I'd play around Blogger for awhile.

Recently, I've also received a couple of engagements from readers to help perform at their weddings. Truly honored and happy! If you're looking for wedding singer/ band, look me up ok!

Lucky.

2011-06-18T13:05:00.004+08:00

Hello guys! I'm finally back in Singapore after 18 days of adventure in India. I must say that this trip has taught me a lot. Not simply in terms of learning about the people, culture and traditions in India, but also about my personal growth. Thrashing out session with my travel mate on the last day of our trip made me realise that I am after all, only human.

Although I didn't feel that I missed my family much while I was in India, the joy of seeing them, telling them stories of my adventures over breakfast this morning just made me so overwhelmingly happy and blissful. Having Sy as a friend who sees my flaws better than anyone else, and yet still accepts me as who I am, Aijia who texted me in India less than an hour after I blogged about my relationship problems, and also the first person to call me after I arrived in Singapore. Keng, whose gift accompanied me through the rough rides on India's bumpy roads. The new awesome friends I've made on the trip, ie the bestest coffee/beer partners. Also Fu Lao Shi who is so constantly worried about me that she made several calls just to make sure I brought enough things there. And of course, I have my brothers whom I know I can trust in infinitely, who play the devil's role to snap me out of moments of which I was going to make the wrong choices. And lastly, my Mum, the coolest woman in my life. She is always here for me. Just today, we talked about my relationship issues. Even though she has never liked that I am dating, she is completely supportive and understanding.

I am such a lucky girl. I really should learn to cherish these moments.

Tasting India.

2011-06-15T02:32:00.001+08:00

Tonight marks my last night in the city of Pune. It also marks the last day of the school programme. In a few hours, I'll be bus riding to Mumbai, where I will spend another 2 days exploring the area with another friend.

This trip has been incredible.

Today, a friend asked me, "So what's the one thing about India you will miss most after you get back to Singapore?" "The awesome company," I replied without much hesitation. I've met truly amazing friends from a vast variety of faculties. Each and everyone of them armed with knowledge in their own field and a keen heart to learn. I've gotten particularly close to bunch of them, especially those who caught the Air Asia flight which arrived one day earlier than the proposed pickup date by the University in India.

We arrived on 1 June 10pm, though the actual pick up date was 2 June 11 am. So the 6 of us who took the Air Asia flight were practically stranded outside the airport for the whole night. We did not clique immediately, but I guess being the minority in a foreign country created instant trust amongst us. We deposited our luggage at the airport and sat on the auto rickshaw (a cab) to explore this strange piece of land. Trying out weird tasting food, strolling across a crowded beach at 1 am, hotel hopping, heart to heart talks, sleeping on public benches, complaining about the unbearably high temperature, turning maniacal from the chaotic traffic... We did that all in one night. And that was what bonded us.

It's been two weeks since I've landed on this land of diversity. Some travel mates have backpacked from North India and joined us at Pune, and they're now continuing their travel plans down South. Others are catching the 11am flight back to Singapore in a few hours time. Whereas I'll be spending a couple of days exploring Mumbai.

If not for budget and time constraints, I'd really have loved to extend my stay to other regions of India. I'll share more next time.

Good night pals!

The wait.

2011-06-13T20:45:00.001+08:00

Last night, I dreamt I hugged your right arm. I felt so warm. And we walked and talked like nothing ever happened before. And it was that simple. Our happiness was this simple.

My heart dies a little every time I think about how a love once so passionate has faded into a buddy relationship so distant, so strange.

I know that I have to look ahead. I know there is no going back. I know I shouldn't cling on to the past. But today when I finally quietened down, negativity overpowered me again. It scratched me all over, ripped my limbs apart and broke them like tree branches. But I didn't fight back.

Just tear me apart. I whispered. Let me feel pain. Let my skin burn. Let my heart die.

Let it die.

What now?

2011-06-13T16:24:00.004+08:00

Who should I be now?

A girlfriend?
An ex girlfriend?
A normal friend?
An acquaintance?
A best friend?
A sister?
Or a stranger?

I can be none. I am none. And I don't know which position to assume when talking to a man I love, who doesn't love me back anymore.

All I know is that every time I feel you, my heart still skips a beat.
Every time I hear you, I hardly can breathe.

I will stop waiting.

2011-06-08T08:28:00.002+08:00

You are the change. Not me.

The Cycle

2011-06-07T00:45:00.001+08:00

I'm loving every bit of India. Good and bad.

But at this very moment, an issue is wriggling in my heart. Someone, to be more specific. It feels like a tug on the sleeve. Like a spilled bottle of water. A loose thread from a shirt. An itch in the heart that no amount of scratching can remove. Coincidentally the palmist made that very comment the day before you shared your thoughts with me.

An omen perhaps.

My life is a series of heartbreaks.

Who will break this cycle?

Hello India

2011-05-31T14:20:00.002+08:00

Leaving for Pune, India tomorrow. Looking forward to a brand new, exciting experience there. Will blog if time/ conditions permit.

For those who're curious, I'll be over on a school exchange with Symbiosis International University. I'll be staying in the school hostel, having lessons in the morning and trips the rest of the day. Will be traveling and exploring southern India for a couple of days after the school exchange ends.

When will I be back? 18th June, morning! Will surely blog about the trip!

Wait for me!

Just nice.

2011-05-29T10:40:00.006+08:00

I like my life now.

It's not suffocatingly busy like carrying 4 or 5 projects concurrently, neither is it too dull or boring like bumming around at home and following the latest season of House all day long.

It's just... nice. Yep, life is just nice. Hanging around town, lunching or drinking coffee with my closest friends a few times a week. Laughing over the same jokes many times and never getting sick of it. Other days, I just stay at home, laze on my floor couch, eat my favorite cookie and surf the net. Sometimes, I read. Sometimes I go out alone, shop, do random things, admire the buildings, and many times I catch myself feeling so grateful that I'm born in this safe and beautiful country.

I like life like that. Wow, a mouthful huh. Haha. But well, it shouldn't and wouldn't always be like that. Else I'd never have learnt to treasure times like this.

Of course, sometimes I feel this void somewhere in my heart. And that's the absence of you. Yes, you. Come back soon to complete me.

Today's music recommendation is a girl called Inch Chua - a young lady blessed with good vocals and talent. Youtube her to explore. Best thing? She's a local.

5 Fun facts

2011-05-23T23:00:00.006+08:00

Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.

Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian.

The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.

2011-05-23T22:29:00.001+08:00

It's one of those quiet nights that scare me. Just laying here, on my cosy floor couch, surfing on my mac. Suddenly, everything seems so quiet. Too quiet.

Revelation perhaps.

2011-05-15T12:51:00.007+08:00

Sometimes, I wonder why I don't have a group of close girlfriends that I can hang around with anytime for anything, ok well, except my AC girls :) But even with them, we don't hang out as often as we did since everyone's so busy.

It is not that I didn't belong to any cliques in the past. In fact, I was an extremely cliquey person. In primary school, I remember the clique of 6 girls I always hung out with. We ate together, studied together, sat together, gossiped together. But soon we lost touch after entering different secondary schools. I had a new clique with three other Sec 1 classmates. But we again got pulled apart after we all entered different classes in Sec 3. And in my new class I again clique d with 6 other classmates, 2 guys and 5 girls in all. We were really tight and at that point of time, I really really thought we could be friends forever. Haha, but still, fate pulled us apart. Though 3 of us entered the same JC, the clique rarely met up. At that point of time, I didn't think it was important to keep friends.

But in AC, life was a whole lot different. Maybe because of the culture and people there. Everyone was social butterflies. Cliques weren't important to them because somehow to them, as much as cliques made you feel belonged and comfortable, it was a form of divide in the class. For those who did not belong to any cliques, the term denotes exclusion, not belonging and nonidentity. Strong cohesion in one group tends to lead to overall fragmentation. I have also learnt that strong ties are just as important as weak ties. Because after all, those whom we share weak ties with, are more likely to move in social circles much different from ours and hence will have knowledge which are much different from what we receive in our own cliques.

In University, I'm much of an "on-my-own" kind of person. That is not to say that I don't make friends there. The people have fantastic personalities and I love hanging out with them. It's just that, over the years I've realised a harsh truth in life. Good friends will come and go. To quote from an author "Most of your high school friends won’t be a part of your college life. Most of your college friends won’t be a part of your 20-something professional life. Most of your 20-something friends won’t be there when your spouse and you bring your second child into the world. But some friends will stick. And it’s these friends – the ones who transcend time with you – who matter."

Those who know me will understand that I'm a very very 漫热 person. Very selectively sociable. (I don't know why I just cannot help it. ) And I tend to open up very slowly with most people. Unless you're someone special. So most of my close friends have more patience than an average being. Many people will also realise that I am very different from how I seem to be on first impression. A lot of people have asked me to change, to open up more. But being reserved is something so ingrained in me, like a mole on a skin - irremovable. It just is.

So I thank a lot of people who have accepted me as who I am. And to those I share special fate with, you take up an important space in my heart. Family, friends, loved one, whoever you are.

You are so special.

Scraped knees.

2011-05-10T09:06:00.001+08:00

2 nights ago on the way out to run some errands, I randomly recalled my first 2-wheeled bicycle ride. It happened in a park near my house. My dad was my 'trainer' for the day. My rides were so wobbly and I fell down all too many times. Returned home with both knees scraped.

But that's what life's all about isn't it - getting your knees scraped, then standing up again and walking away, realising that you've learnt something new from it. But some people take longer to learn. Sometimes scraping your knees once just isn't enough. Life will make you fall, and fall, until you learn your mistakes.

Just like we used to be.

2011-05-04T09:18:00.000+08:00

I become creative whenever I'm sad. Recently, I feel creativity all over me. Just lying on the bed last night, I hear poems and artistic expressions running through my mind. Images pop up to complement those words. I could feel and hear my heart beating. It was beautiful. Just like we used to be.

I want to get better.

2011-05-03T16:01:00.002+08:00

Hear me out. Will you?

You are here.

2011-04-28T19:00:00.001+08:00

2nd last day of school. I am totally looking forward to my India trip with SY! But not so much the exams. I'm totally ill-prepared :/

A picture of our entire batch. Notice we're all in black? Hehe. Because our glowing prof has never worn a color other than black to lecture. As a tradition/ ritual, at the end of the sem, all students do a flash mob at his last lecture. To wear black. Yes, I love the school spirit.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

To Javin,

Thank you for all the assurance and love over the past month that you weren't with me.

Before your departure, I've always feared the day you were leaving, feared the day I have to adapt to living without you. But it turned out that I adapted better than I've expected. Of course, there were many days I felt lonely and empty. In the hawker centre, the library, the cafe, the gym. To turn on a phone and know that no one is there to check in on me. To know that you're sleeping while I'm munching away on my lunch. To know that you're half a globe away from me. To know that you, are not here.

But, you are here.

I realised I've been focusing too much on the times I spent without you. So much that I couldn't see all you've actually done to be a part of my life. I see things so much more clearly now. THANK YOU. I really have not met a guy so patient and understanding. Seriously, hahaha I think somebody must be on cloud nine now.

Although there were hiccups along the way, we worked through them and came out tighter than before. I have not said it publicly on this blog before.

I love you. Really I do. And I'm so glad I met you.

Impermanence.

2011-04-27T16:12:00.001+08:00

Everything is impermanent. As much as we are loving/ hating the people around us or situations we're in right now, things are going to change, feelings won't always be the same. Situations evolve over time. Beautiful people won't always be beautiful. Flowers bloom, but they wither as well. In other words, nothing lasts forever. So why bother clinging on so tightly to the good things that are no longer around us? Why not just let things be? That's what you always say. After all, nothing lasts forever, right?

While I most certainly agree with such a belief because clinging on certainly doesn't help in the recovery process when you lose someone/ something. I'm confused at the same time. Say for example, in a relationship, two people are drifting apart because they aren't able to interact as much as they used to. Using the impermanence theory, the natural reaction would be: Oh well, since nothing lasts forever, feelings are bound to evolve over time. I can't keep the other party anyway. Might as well live and let live. Give up and move on. It makes me feel better yea.

I don't see any sign of motivation in it at all. That man/ woman who is having such thoughts simply wouldn't be compelled to do his best in the relationship and in pursuing his/her partner. Even though love still exists between them, he is willing to let go of his companion simply because things are impermanent? There's a lack of "trying" here I feel.

Just because some things are impermanent, doesn't mean that you shouldn't try your best to achieve it. Just because we all grow old one day and that physical attractiveness doesn't last forever, doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive hard to look clean and presentable everyday, right?

Just because I will die eventually, doesn't mean that I have to stop living now. I will live, and I will live life to the fullest until the day my body doesn't allow me to do so. That, guys, is what I think impermanence means. To do everything at our fullest maximum capacity. And until we've done our best, should we submit to the idea that things are impermanent as they are.

I will do my best in our days ahead. I hope you do too.

-With love

Throw in your questions about NTU Comm Studies :D

2011-03-17T01:02:00.000+08:00

Yes friends, it's the Uni application period. Already received some Fb messages/ emails asking me about NTU Comm studies. Go ahead and throw more questions in! Will be keen to answer all of them :)

If you skim through the archives, you'd have noticed how I struggled between NUS FASS and NTU. Of course, I chose the latter and I have never regretted it. Would like to thank all those who've inserted their comments/ advice during my uni application period to help me weigh the good and bad of both faculties. (I realised I've never thanked you guys before! Why was I so mean? :x)

Yep! So anyway, I think it'd be good to pass down some help to the next batch of A lvl grads, just like how some of you readers have guided me in choosing my Uni last May/June.

Looking forward to hear from you!

2011-03-15T18:18:00.001+08:00

很开心我说出口了，后果如何不重要。

我的未来，是什么？

2011-03-14T01:43:00.003+08:00

这一个星期来每天为project忙上忙下，做完了这个得做那个，那个做完了又有新的要做。真的好累。今天我终于有机会休息了，有机会停下脚步，看看周围，走走逛逛，吃吃夜宵。可是怎么回到家一个人时，突然觉得有点空虚，失去了方向？也许我的方向一直都是建立在别人身上，从来没有源自自己。现在因为那个人要走了，所以我的方向也乱了。是时候自我检讨了，重新找寻方向，找回从前开朗爱笑的我。醒醒吧嘉敏。不要再傻乎乎了。不要再天真了。我应该要更勇敢的。我应该要更开通的。拿得起放得下不是吗？

我是在怕吗？我为什么怕？

我的未来会是怎样？

我的未来，是什么？

Mr Bean, no, not the comedy.

2011-03-07T20:20:00.000+08:00

Today on the way home, I decided to indulge in Mr Bean's ice-cream. It was fantastic.
And I mean it.

Solitary

2011-02-26T22:05:00.002+08:00

Got sneered at by the garang guni while I was taking this shot. As if he was protecting his stash from danger. Interesting how people so readily give such things away.

Yet these to him, are so precious.

Today, I took a road trip by myself. I travelled around places of interest, explored Singapore's past, photographed some memories and let my imagination run wild. Today wasn't exactly fruitful because I digressed so much from my original assignment. But because I digressed, I saw many other things. Hence, today was rewarding.

Today, I found something new.

Life in a nutshell.

2011-02-20T16:58:00.005+08:00

*Note that I've added a little advertising tab on the right for any entrepreneurs who'd like to have your products/ services advertised here and on my Fb for entirely free. It's just an attempt for me to practise my copywriting skills :)

So there, a few weeks ago life began my second semester in NTU. School's treated me rather well in Sem 1, in that it was fairly manageable academically and mentally. This semester however, has been slightly different. I'm taking more modules, which means less time for all other non-academic based activities. Content of these new mods are also more "chim", in that they require even more analytical skills, spontaneity, confidence and self discipline.

I'm on to the second semester of Uni. Time really does fly. In NTU, I've met many new faces, made new acquaintances, forged new friendships. I learnt yet again, how diverse people can be, even though we all belong to a similar age group. Ok, so I observed a few types of people in school:

1) The muggers. Also known as the "I will only do something if it makes my resume look better". This group of people are crazy muggers. Always finishing readings way before lectures/ tutorials. They are also involved in any activity which adds on to a more impressive resume.

2) The slackers. This group of people do not study at all. They're either too busy with their own activities (usu CCA/school/hall activities) or simply lazy. This group of people usually stay in hall. Hahaha, ok hall peeps, this is just a generalisation, purely based on my observation. I have hall friends who belong to 1) too :D

3) The ghosts. They go to school for tutorials and lectures, but disappear once classes end. They don't hang around much in school. Also known as the low profilers.

4) The smart and cool. This is a bunch of high profile students. You always see them around in school. Usually clubbers, good looking and fashionable. Fascinatingly, they also do fairly well in their studies.

5) The overdressed. I think this is only exclusive to wkw school. I always believe it's good to dress presentably to school. But.. some students dress wayyyy overboard. Even guys too. There's this male in school who wears leather skirts and heels to lectures! Yes! True story.

I think I'm a mild version of groups 2 and 3! Phew, long post wasn't it. Hmm, that wasn't exactly life in a nutshell. But well..

To all uni readers, may we all have a fruitful semester ahead! :D

简单。

2011-02-19T20:58:00.002+08:00

我们的感情最平凡，最朴素，最搞笑。但也是最浪漫，最动人，最高尚的。谢谢你。

GONG XI FA CAI!

2011-02-04T23:01:00.005+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR 兔 ALL YOU GUYS OUT THERE!

May we all bloom and peak like this beautiful flower in my Mummy's Garden!

Check out more photos of her plants on my Fb.

Oh yes! If you're bored over the weekend, check out Sentosa Flowers 圣淘沙春节花会!

Figured it doesn't harm to do some publicity for my ex-employer since they've treated my well!

This year's theme is “Spring Wonderland” (奇幻花屿世界).

It features more than 200 types of flowers, plants and trees from around the world.

To top it off, admission is FREE (exclu. island admission)

Details here:http://flowers.sentosa.com.sg/

Ps: My previous posts may have been clad with hints of sadness. But don't worry guys!

My problem's solved and I'm fine. Thanks for your concern!

。

2011-01-30T23:53:00.001+08:00

原点。经过那么多，也许我就只属于原点。值得原点。

2011-01-29T22:42:00.002+08:00

你还在吗？

因为我感觉不到。

2011-01-28T22:36:00.001+08:00

字，不只是笔画。是读者所联想到的回忆和经验，因而得到的感触与怀恋。每一个字，对不同的人，都是一种不同的体会。

今天和家人出外走走，让我紧绷的心情舒缓多了。我们的世界充满着机会和压力。机会诱惑我们去尝试，压力逼迫我们去奋斗。什么时候，我才能静下来。

今天，回家，让我静下来了。

正在阅读的你们不要忘了，家是最珍贵的拥有。不要忘了，回家的路。

2011-01-26T14:05:00.001+08:00

This is Love :)

2011-01-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

It was there all along, I just didn't see it.

2011-01-22T23:47:00.003+08:00

Recently, I took up a new activity - Meditation.

Meditation, I've always seen people do or talk about it. In fact, Dad, Bro and Javin, they all meditate. I've read books about it, about how meditation focuses on the breath, loving kindness, awareness etc., but I've never really mastered sufficient motivation or patience to try it out myself. I mean, sitting down and feeling your breath come and go? Sounds kinda boring or even useless to me. Well, that was what I used to think.

A week ago, I began a meditation class at Bukit Batok. It taught me to feel peace and calmness amidst distractions in the hustle and bustle of life. Today, I had my second class. It allowed me to find acceptance with myself, to find that piece of me that I never knew I had.

Beneath all the aloofness, I guess there is a part of me that loves, and wants to be loved. A part of me that is warm. As cliche as it sounds, the title says it all. It was there all along, I just didn't see it.. until today.

A Lost Soul

2011-01-13T22:37:00.012+08:00

These couple of weeks made me realise how much of a crybaby I am. So many changes have been happening around the people I’m with. And sometimes, I find that it takes more courage than I already have, to come into consensus with these changes.

I used to think that I have control over my own life and emotions with my own decisions. But lately, it seems that many decisions have already been made for me. And all I can do, is nothing but to accept and live with these decisions.

I really hate this situation. Every beating pulse in my veins is resisting this.

I would hate to spend every minute of your absence counting down to your return. I would hate to still feel like holding on to you so much even though I understand impermanence. I hate myself even more when I have in my wildest thoughts that your trip wouldn't happen because of some external reasons. How silly is that?

I am not sure if I can do this.

Adapting is a bitch.

Picture Post! (not many though)

2011-01-13T22:11:00.000+08:00

Cousin's wedding at KL, we spent our Christmas there as well.

Ein ein, Zi Jie and Shawn's birthday celebration!

With my Jazz Band, performing at Helen and Ernest's wedding dinner.

Lucius's 21st!

Bliss or Bleak

2011-01-02T10:06:00.004+08:00

What's wrong?

2011-01-01T10:11:00.001+08:00

Happy Happy New Year guys!
Make 2011 even better!

Hammie, my Old Boy

2010-12-28T22:57:00.010+08:00

He was barely two inches long when I first took him home. He was so scared he shivered like a baby, peed and pooed once anyone held him.

Months later, he grew accustomed to life in my home. My family took turns to cuddle and play with him. He loves it.

Hammie knew my room like a map. I’d let him run around and he'd find his way back home himself. It was his playground. But once, he didn't go home. Mummy and I had to carry out a search party. We combed high and low and Bro even lent us his hiking torchlight.

We found him at last, under my brother’s cupboard. Soundly sleeping.

Of course, I’m sometimes a guilty pet owner. I neglected Hammie when school was taxing, life’s overbearing, or simply, when I was lazy.

It’s been 1yr and 10months since we had him. Today, Hammie is an old man. I deposited him at Javin’s place while I spent Xmas at KL. I returned last evening only to be told that he’d found a growth on Hammie’s belly while I was away. It’s grown to the size of a small marble today.

The growth is genetic and occurs when hamsters start to age. If it’s not removed, the lump will only grow bigger and cause physical restrictions to our little hamster. Surgery is our primary option. But it involves risk because Hammie may not be able to wake up from the anesthesia or be strong enough to pull through the recovery process.

It scares me to imagine the pain Hammie has to put up with during and after the surgical process without even understanding what’s going on. The thought of having the possibility of losing him is heart wrenching. Its this sour feeling you get in your heart that triggers tears to brim your eyes. On the cab ride back home, I couldn’t help but cry over Hammie’s conditions.

It may sound silly to grieve over a tiny animal. “Afterall, he’s just a rat,” you may say. But over the years, I’ve grown attached to this amazing creature within my family. It’s the first time I feel responsible for the well being of someone. The first time I carry a kind of love and bond different from that which I share with my family and friends.

The surgery is in a week’s time. But I’m looking for another vet who can give an earlier slot. Any suggestions for a good animal clinic in the West?

Please keep him in your prayers.

2010-12-17T23:12:00.001+08:00

I know I shouldn't be doing this 2 days before my last paper.

But I'm watching 90210 and totally hooked onto it.. again.

Alas.. 2 more papers!

2010-12-14T22:41:00.001+08:00

Finally, after grueling weeks of gobbling down facts, arguments and lecture slides, I'm finally left with 2 more papers. One tomorrow, and the other next Monday. Past week was one hell of a week. Spent most of my waking hours studying in the library. Thanks Swing for the company!! It really works when you have someone to study with; to pace each other along the way.

Still, I don't think I've fared well in the previous papers. But.. I'm looking forward to Xmas and New Year already :D Got lots of interesting stuff in mind to do. So watch out you guys!

IMY BOY! SEE YOU TMR <3

More updates sooon!

TGIF... Not!

2010-12-10T20:10:00.000+08:00

Having my first paper tomorrow. Yes, on a Saturday. I feel so stressed!! Been feeling this heavy rock at the bottom of my heart all these while, even when hanging out with Bee. I'm so so unprepared!

:(

2010-12-09T09:54:00.002+08:00

One day, all these will stop affecting me.

Thank God for Subway

2010-12-08T22:48:00.007+08:00

Food is my weakness. One of the few things capable of making me irrational is probably food. Cravings for food, to more exact. Today, I woke up with an "unfortunate" craving for Subway. Yes, it was truly unfortunate because the nearest Subway outlet wasn't within walking distance from home. As always, I gave in to my desire and took a public transport to get to the nearest shopping centre with Subway. I then made a U turn back to the library where I was supposed to be, to study for the day. Yes, I would go to THAT extent for food. Hehe.

This pre-exam period is eating me up bit my bit. I feel my stomach crumble a bit each time I try to recall a term I've studied a few hours back and find that I can't remember anything. Does this happen to everyone else?

Oh well, whatever the case. I'll be patient for everything to be over soon. Am totally looking forward to this coming hols. Christmas in KL with family and extended family, more time with bf, catching up with old friends and having fun with new ones!

陶子姐 once said something on One Million Star to encourage a contestant who was severely affected by the harsh criticisms from netizens: "不要跟网络认真，认真的话你就输了。" I'll end here with something that illustrates a similar idea. Think about it :)

It's a simple game. You win when you stop caring about it.

Dulcet

Hello.

Things to do tomorrow:

最纯粹的孤独 最孤独 的 孤独

3D Creative Eyebrow Embroidery

Sabotage.

To me, you'll always be someone selfish.

哈。爱情，不过如此。

Sharing a piece of me.

Stay hungry, stay foolish

你太猖狂

理智

UFM100.3 with Azure Band and Ken

To Warl:

耳背

My workspace.

That I would be good.

我愿意 Cover by Wednesday band

Happier

I lost somethings. But I gained many others.

Sweden

往前飛

Catharsis.

Cry, silly, cry.

A tale of romance.

希望井

Spiders.

Good day, everyday.

Racing heart and sleepless nights.

Chapter, closed.

The sky is the limit.

If you're here. I drew this for you.

Household tips.

A random photo post.

Rubber ducks.

The universe is the teacher.

Do you know?

爱上你的时候

你不在

To sing every song like it's my last.

Melody.

I must be dreaming.

Forrest Gump - A movie worth watching.

Maybe.

Living the life.

Lucky.

Tasting India.

The wait.

What now?

I will stop waiting.

The Cycle

Hello India

Just nice.

5 Fun facts

Revelation perhaps.

Scraped knees.

Just like we used to be.

You are here.

Impermanence.

Throw in your questions about NTU Comm Studies :D

我的未来，是什么？

Mr Bean, no, not the comedy.

Solitary

Life in a nutshell.

简单。

GONG XI FA CAI!

。

This is Love :)

It was there all along, I just didn't see it.

A Lost Soul

Picture Post! (not many though)

Bliss or Bleak

Hammie, my Old Boy

Alas.. 2 more papers!

TGIF... Not!

Thank God for Subway

最纯粹的孤独最孤独的孤独